HAYLEY Folk enjoys a type of marital bliss that would leave most traditional couples flabbergasted.
The 31-year-old New Yorker was already married to someone else when she first locked eyes with Kyle, who is 16-years her senior, at a concert in Vegas more than a decade ago.
Just a few years later, she had divorced her first husband and began dating Kyle, who she then tied the knot with 2023.
From the outside, they look like any other happy husband and wife enjoying the early of romance.
But unlike most couples, Hayley and Kyle live 500 miles apart and regularly have sex with other people.
Though it might seem strange to some, she believes their open, distant relationship is the key to their enduring happiness.
Hayley, who is a writer, also has a girlfriend and sometimes goes on dates with another couple.
Meanwhile, Kyle is currently seeing five other women on rotation.
Although they don’t share a house, they do share details of their dating lives, and sometimes even hang out with each other’s partners.
When they got married, a string of their exs even joined the guestlist.
“We’ve always been nonmonogamous. Even at the start we dated other people and our relationship just progressed and got more serious and we continued like that,” she told The Sun.
Kyle, who works in the music industry, lives in North Carolina, while Hayley is in New York.
“Having the opportunity to miss him really builds the natural spark in our relationship,” she said.
“Our sex life is so wonderful because of the distance. It creates anticipation to see someone. You’re not just hopping into bed and doing the same thing each time.”
The two first met in 2016 at a concert and were friends for the first five years of knowing each other as Hayley was married to another man.
She married her first husband in 2018 after meeting him at a Christian college.
During their relationship, Hayley realised she was bisexual and the two decided to open themselves up so she could explore her attraction to women.
“We were open for about two years and it was during that time that I fell in love with a woman I was dating,” she revealed.
However, their marriage had been on the rocks for a long time and falling in love with another woman was the final nail in the coffin for the two.
“That was when I realised I was poly,” she said. “I also realised she was treating me better than my own husband so that was a bit of a red flag.”
Although it was he who made the call to open up their relationship, Hayley found herself having far more sex than her husband.
”It was open on both sides but I ended up having a lot more experiences.
“It wasn’t for a lack of trying but he didn’t mention anyone that sparked an interest in him.
“As soon as I started to enjoy myself and feel out my desires, he really wanted to stop. I think there was jealousy at the fact that I was dating more than him.”
They were open for just two years before they divorced in May 2019, after which, Hayley moved from California to New York.
At this point, her friendship with Kyle had become romantic and the two started dating.
“I’d always had a crush on him and actually my ex husband had encouraged me to tell him. So that’s how our flirtation started.
Then in 2020, they officially started a relationship. “He knew everything about me, my sexuality and relationship preference. He was down for everything.”
Kyle had never been in an open relationship, but with a busy working schedule, they soon realised the dynamic suited them both down to the ground.
“He’s gone so much of the time so it works out perfectly for us. We usually end up seeing each other in different cities, states or countries.”
Unlike many couples, living together full-time is not an aspiration of Hayley and Kyle’s. Instead, they prefer to enjoy the spontaneity and excitement that distance brings.
“Distance makes the heart grow fonder. It feels like you’re still dating and we still feel giddy to see each other again.”
The arrangement also allows them to freely sleep with other people.
“There’s been times when he’s come to visit New York and if he wants to go on a date with someone he has to get a hotel.”
“It happened a few times. One of us just had to make other plans. For example, my girlfriend stayed here for a week and Kyle just got a hotel.
“We do try to let each other know ahead of time like, ‘hey I want to see this person, can you be out the house?’”
At the time of writing, Hayley is not only married, but in a relationship with a woman and is also dating a couple.
Though she feels she is currently “poly saturated”, she said she couldn’t ever imagine returning to a monogamous dynamic.
Meanwhile, Kyle is currently dating around five people but none of them are especially serious.
“They are becoming more regular and I’m excited to see where those relationships go,” she said.
“Although my husband has never fallen in love with anyone else, I have. But it doesn’t take away from the relationship I have with my husband.”
Hayley and Kyle enjoy a “kitchen table” style of polyamory, meaning they not only chat about their other partners with one another, but sometimes meet and hang out with them.
“I like to meet my husband’s girlfriends,” she said.
Hayley said she experiences a feeling of “compersion” from her husband’s other romances, meaning she feels joy seeing those other relationships blossom.
While it may be an alien concept to many couples, Hayley insisted that she rarely experiences jealousy.
“Once a year I will feel a tinge of jealousy,” she said.
“Sometimes I don’t see him for a month and he’s on a date with someone else and I feel jealousy about that person spending time with him. But it’s less about feeling jealous of the other person.”
She has no plans to go back to monogamy, but is sure they will spend a long and happy life together.
“We want to build a life together and achieve goals and spend our lives together,” she said.
“It just looks less traditional than other relationships.”
Hayley has even envisioned the two buying separate houses side by side to uphold their independence.
“Our relationship is super healthy. We never fight. We may have a disagreement but we never yell.”
She believes this is the result of “self work” and going to couple’s therapy, which they have been doing monthly for the last six years.
Distance, Hayley said, is what helps keep them strong.
Having sex with other people also helps them to “build curiosity” and try new things together.
They have a rule that they try to see each other every two to three weeks, and meet ups last between days and weeks.
Although Hayley is the happiest she has ever been in her polyamorous relationship, not everyone close to her has been so approving.
“I called my dad and grandma and they were really shocked,” she said.
She later learned her parents had also been open during the 90s and that her late mum had even been bisexual herself.
Hayley was still married to her first husband when she revealed she was polyamorous, so when that ended, she felt he assumed she would return to a traditional dynamic.
However, now, she feels they “just want me to be happy.”.
There are some members of her family who are “on the conservative side and vey religious”, who are less approving.
“I know they don’t approve of my lifestyle and they’ve even gone as far as to block me. It’s weird to see them at family events.”
Fortunately, the majority of her friends are supportive. “I feel very much accepted in my friend group.”