In Theaters 17 Years Ago, A Live-Action Reboot of a Beloved ’80s Cartoon Arrived (And Roger Ebert’s Roast Is Still Iconic)
One of the most consistent things that happens in Hollywood is the revival of classic properties, whether movies or TV shows, from the ’70s, ’80s, and ’90s into modern films. There are some cases of it working, like with Masters of the Universe, Transformers One, 21 Jump Street, and The Equalizer, but there are just as many cases of it missing the mark, like The Dukes of Hazzard, CHIPs, and Inspector Gadget, just to name a few. In 2007, Transformers got the live-action treatment on the big screen and was a massive success for Hasbro, becoming a pop culture staple and grossing over $700 million worldwide. Hasbro looked to recreate that magic two years later by taking another one of their famous toys that had an iconic animated series in the 80s and turning it into a modern live-action blockbuster. Unfortunately, this attempt wasn’t anywhere near as successful as Transformers.
2009’s G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra was that film, and it had a lot going for it, on paper. The end result wasn’t what the studio hoped for: the box office was much lower than anticipated, and the reviews were harsh. In fact, legendary critic Roger Ebert roasted the movie in a rant that has become more famous than the film itself.
G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra Tried To Bring The Franchise Into The Modern Age
As is often the case in Hollywood, when a project becomes a hit, there is a rush to try and recreate that magic. With Michael Bay’s Transformers turning into a bigger blockbuster than most expected, Hasbro was quick to try the same thing with another one of their properties, G.I. Joe. The recipe was the same, as was the audience. Longtime fans who grew up with the cartoons would love it, while new and younger fans could get caught up in the fun of it all. Alas, that never happened.
On a budget of $175 million, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra only grossed around $300 million, making it a commercial flop. On top of that, the reviews for the film were, as noted, not good, including a paltry 33% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra had a lot going for it, from a talented cast featuring Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans, Sienna Miller, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, to an action director with credibility like Stephen Sommers (The Mummy).
When you add in the built-in fanbase, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra should’ve been a surefire hit. That never came to fruition, and unlike Transformers, the franchise didn’t turn into another success for Hasbro.
Roger Ebert’s Scathing Review Of The Rise Of Cobra Has Become Legendary
While most reviews for G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra were indeed negative, it’s hard to top what Roger Ebert had to say about the film. He went after everything from the muddled plot to the lame scheme of the main villain, to the film being “preoccupied with providing incomprehensible wall-to-wall computer-generated special effects.” Ebert called out every character being a caricature of stereotypes and how there isn’t a clear sense of anything going on.
One paragraph truly outlines Ebert’s feelings on the film: “Cobra’s headquarters are buried within the miles-deep ice of the Arctic. You think construction costs are high here. At one point the ice cap is exploded real good so it will sink and crush the G. I. Joe’s submarine. We thought ice floated in water but, no, you can see big falling ice chunks real good here. It must be only in your Coke that it floats.” The entire review has that energy as he delivers a roast that is worthy of his one-and-a-half-star rating of the film.
Live-Action G.I. Joe Movies Have Never Worked
The G.I. Joe toy line from the ’80s was a huge seller, and there are still people who collect them today, while the animated series from the era was also a major hit. Even the direct-to-video animated movie from 1987 was solid. However, bringing the franchise to live-action just hasn’t worked. After G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra failed commercially and critically, a sequel was made that brought in big stars like Bruce Willis and Dwayne Johnson. 2013’s G.I. Joe: Retaliation outgrossed its predecessor by a bit, yet also was poorly reviewed.
The franchise remained dormant for nearly a decade until Snake Eyes was released in 2021; it was an origin story for the titular character that could’ve set the table for future films. Unfortunately, Snake Eyes only grossed $40 million on a $110 million budget and (again) received bad reviews. Longtime fans were especially critical since they didn’t even get to see the things that made Snake Eyes so popular in the first place.
That said, there are still plans to keep trying. Paramount has been working with Danny McBride on a G.I. Joe reboot film and is reportedly eyeing several big stars for the movie after Chris Hemsworth exited the project. Time will tell if they can turn things around, but a repeat of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra and its follow-ups won’t be good.
