jaded gender talks

The jaded gender talks

ByJustpaste.in

 By Saman Aftab

We are so habitual of listening to the gender inequality, women empowerment, and ever growing population talks that now these topics have become an essential subject for the matter of discussing societal issues. But what we people have lacked to unravel is the very essence of these debates. Why gender inequality exists? Why we are still lagging behind in terms of employing more women? Why we are unable to control the growing rate of population in our country? Before addressing the ‘absolutely unavoidable’ questions, let me take the readers down an irksome memory lane of my life. Last year when our maid broke the news of her pregnancy to us, our most obvious question was why now? Considering her age which was 42 years that time and her financial grim along with unsupportive role of her husband in bearing the burden of their five children, this question clicked in every mind. And her answer though not surprising was quite gloomy for the existence of every female in this world; “baji, larka chahye humen” (we need a boy). She had four daughters and a deaf son. Her statement broke my heart because it questioned the capabilities of her daughters who were all physically and mentally sound.

This memory was not worth forgetting because as a female it made me feel inferior. But this Babygirl vs Babyboy thing is not new, in fact it is one of the most deeply rooted concerns of our society. The normalcy of demanding the birth of a boy from a married woman is consolidating with the passage of time. The worst part of this matter – it’s getting acceptance. Ironically, majority of mothers in law showcase such demands to the newly married couple, as if it is in their hands to ‘design’ the genetic make-up of their offspring. The heart wrenching memory got afresh, when Tabassum shared her so called good news with us. Tabassum, 35 years old woman who works as a maid in three houses, a mother of four girls is expecting again for the sake of receiving a son this time. Her good news reminded me of her last fourth delivery when she gave birth to a girl in government hospital and she was made to give her daughter to a rich family on the persuasion of her drug addict husband. Whether they got money in return was dubious but chances of such happening were bright. I really hope and pray that this time she gets a son, otherwise the couple will continue to bring unwanted girls in this world and ruin their lives. For all the existing daughters of this couple are living a dark and disowned life. This brutal reality of life is not constrained to lower class people and it has crossed the demarcation of social groupings based on all classes, religions and races. Let us take an example of my sister’s friend, who is married to a well-established businessman and living in a posh locality. The poor lady who has a rich family, is a mother of two cute little girls. Although the little girls born to riches are living a good life, their mother is undergoing severe mental anxiety and pressure for not having a son. And of course, she for the sake of getting rid of such pressure is planning to have another baby neglecting her present deteriorating health condition. Unfortunately, the instances are innumerable and the rate of their occurrences is increasing day by day.

Why boy child is mostly preferred over girl child? The answer lies in the heart of several burdens tied with bringing up a girl till her marriage. Among so many liabilities, the extra protection needed by the girls in our society and the curse of dowry have aggravated the scenario to such an extent that today girls are seen as “misfortune”. Of course exceptions are always there. Let us shift the focus from this melancholy to addressing those “absolutely unavoidable” questions raised earlier. 1: Gender inequality; Homo sapiens (humans) are generally categorized into three groups namely man, woman and transgender. Men are always ranked superior for enormous reasons but if we see things more pragmatically, it becomes evident that parents are left with sons in their old age while their daughters somehow abandon them and serve in laws for the rest of their lives. Call it our family system, it is the way it is. Then how can girls be loved or demanded? For voicing rights for equality, women should also bear the responsibilities equally. If a woman is capable of doing an employment being educated or skilled, she must pursue it for sake of giving all the best of resources to her parents that are expected of a son. The root cause of inequality among genders is the leverage given to men of being more useful and thus more needed. As long as the share of women in the society is constrained only to domestic chores and family caretaking, this inequality will never fade away. More women should be encouraged to become financially sufficient and independent. But how? This leads to our second question.

2: Women empowerment; there should be more campaigning with regards to educating girls and investing in their skill building. More powerful the educational background of a woman is, more will be the chances of her getting a good job for the sake of financial security. Thus, the number of women working for the betterment of society and raising capital will rise exponentially. And finally once these two milestones are achieved, the third ordeal of our country will evade automatically.

3: Overpopulation: as discussed in the start, demand and desire for the birth of a son has contributed a lot more towards overpopulation. Men are expected to take care of their parents but the same goes for women also. And in this age of compatibility, women should come forward and play a vital part in developing this society. Instead of placing all the burdens on the parents’ shoulders, women should lend them an even stronger shoulder to uphold their own worth and value. If we acknowledge the capabilities of a well brought up girl, there will be more gratitude on her birth instead of endless remorse. Once the birth of a girl is validated as much as of a boy then along with awareness of family planning, the threatening issue of overpopulation can be curbed.

Lastly, the lack of respect for women in a patriarchal society is making our environment terrifically suffocating. It’s high time that we should actually work together and dig deeper for cutting the roots of all gender related concerns. If this does not happen, the curse of gender biasness will never break and the jaded gender talks will continue till earth’s doomsday.

My name is Saman Aftab. I have done MPHIL in Microbiology from GCU Lahore, I did my bachelors in Medical Laboratory Technology from Sheikh Zayed medical college Lahore. I represent the youth of Pakistan who belong to well-educated middle class. Having keen interest in Pakistan’s domestic and external affairs, I have a strong voice which needs to be heard.

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